Kevin’s First Date
The night was young. The faint melody of birds singing could be heard off in the distance. Little Kevin Bradley was filled with mixed emotions. Excitement poured through his veins and a chill of nervousness ran down his spine. He walked to the front door of little Jenny Perkins and knocked.
Jenny’s dad answered. “Why hello Kevin. Come on in. Jenny isn’t quite ready yet.”
Kevin walked in and sat down across from the father.
“So tell me about yourself Kevin,” the dad said with a commanding voice.
“Well sir. What would you like to know?”
“Do you play any sports?”
“Yes, I am on the tennis team.”
“Tennis huh. You don’t play football?”
“No sir.” Kevin’s voice cracked. His adolescent age was noticeable as he felt chills going down his spine after hearing the father speak. Kevin grew smaller as he noticed the father’s biceps that were bigger than his head and his powerful chest that he proudly projected.
“When I was your age, I played football. What good is tennis? You can’t hurt anyone. You just prance around the court trying to hit a soft ball.”
“Yeah, I guess it isn’t very manly.” Kevin’s voice cracked again.
“Come on kid. Sack it up. I’m just giving you a hard time.” The father said with a big grin across his face. Kevin forced himself to fake a smile.
“But in all seriousness, Kevin. I am very protective of my daughter and it bothers me that she is interested in boys at her young age…It also bothers me that you are not making much of an effort to show some manliness. You are hunched over like a donkey that has no ambition to be a horse. You’re voice keeps cracking like a little girl, and you play tennis, for Christ’s sake. I mean what worries me most is that you are going to take my daughter out and leave her for another boy. For some reason these days that seems to be what’s popular and I don’t want my daughter to go through that. Do you hear me?”
“Ye…” Jenny’s father interrupted Kevin before he could speak. “So this is what I want you to do. I want you to take my daughter out. Taker her to a movie and dinner and bring her home at a reasonable hour. Then when you go to school on Monday I want you to try out for the football team. Once you are on the football team, I will allow you to take my daughter out on another date. Do you understand?”
“Umm…yes sir.” Kevin’s said with his voice still cracking.
“Say it like a man.”
“Yes, sir.” Kevin said a little louder.
“I can’t hear you!”
“Yes sir!” Kevin yelled at the top of his lungs as Jenny walked down the stairs.
“What are you doing to him daddy?” Jenny asked.
“Nothing. We were just having a manly conversation.”
“Well, enough of that. Are you ready Kevin?”
“Yeah, bye Mr. Perkins.”
“Be safe kids. I love you Jenny.”
Kevin took Jenny to dinner at a local Italian restaurant. They had a nice meal and got along well. After dinner they went to a movie. Kevin’s stomach didn’t feel too hot after dinner. They bought some candy at the movie theater. Kevin bought Jenny hot tamales and milk duds for himself. The movie began and Kevin’s stomach felt worse. He couldn’t eat any more milk duds, so he sat them down on the side of his seat. He wanted to put his arm around Jenny, but he was worried that any sudden movement would release a fart. So he stayed put. The movie was loud and Kevin accidentally squeaked one out. The noise in the theater overpowered his little toot, so Jenny didn’t hear it. His stomach felt a little better after releasing some air, and Kevin decided to push another one out. This time it was louder, and he felt something squishy inside his pants. I pooped myself… Kevin thought. Sweat began dripping down his face and he panicked. He rushed out of the theater and into the bathroom. A little brown pebble sat on top of his underwear. Oh God it happened. My worst nightmare has come true. I pooped myself. A tear dripped from his eye as he grabbed a piece of toilet paper to pick up the pebble. When he felt the pebble, something seemed odd. This doesn’t feel like poop. He put the pebble up to his nose, and it smelled like chocolate. In a sigh of relief, Kevin put the pebble in his mouth and ate it.