KG :Yesterdays Relationship Tip for men... omg!For the most accurate information I (Karen Gross) will be (omg) John Brauneisen for this post only! Walking as a man, or the man he portrays himself to be and on that note I tell you this, I know everything about women,,, Just ask me!! Let me put on my dirty baseball cap, the cleanest shirt i can find in the dirty pile of clothes that takes up half of my bedroom and bail on the boxers I'm goin' freestyle its freaky Friday, big baggy shorts and I'm off. 2 b cont'd. . .
KG :I may not look like much but being the humble shy quiet type that I am, I head to the grocery store because the hot, smart together ladies are doing their grocery shopping for the weekend before noon on Friday's usually. Being the observant ladies man that I am I know these things.2b cont'd. . .
KG :I also know that if I act like I could care less about them, don't notice them and say excuse me to get a loaf of bread off the shelf as if they are in the way, now Ive got their attention. . .
JB : You got my routine down!
SK : This is going to be good!
KG : So, being the smooth operator i am, because I do love the ladies, and they can feel my vibe, I cruise over to the laundry detergent isle because women like the smell of cleanclothes and well, I need to do some laundry anyway and the cute little tart that I had to shove over to get my bread took off her high heel clackers....
so i would't' hear her behind me. But I can here all the plastic jewelry clankin together and the sound of her nylons swish swish (she has healthy thighs) as she tries to keep up with me. Im a a busy single guy with a busy schedule plus my legs are twice as long as hers and she's out breath from the little walk trot I felt bad so I stopped in the frozen food section to cool down a little. Whew..
JB : My biggest tip is working my seduction so slow that they think I must be gay, but it's just a trick. Drives hot ass tomboys wild with lust until they pin me up against the wall with their skateboard and force me to give.
JB : What a piece of work you are!
SK: You 2 are nuts! :)
KG :Well prepared with her low cut blouse and sheer bra with no padding(that frozen food section is otherwise known as the nipple check section) she came well prepared to pick up a good healthy piece of meat. I gotta say somehting to her so I n...otice her, but with a stupid question like," you ever eat those pork links?" as you half ass flash the package of some lameass brand at her and throw back on top of the rest and say something like, "Nasty" like she was one of the guys.
Yep, now she's curious, No ring, no up and down scan, and the don't give a shit attitude has got her thinkin. So, being on top of my game I mess with my ringtone like somebody is calling me cause I wouldn't want her hunt for a good meal go ...to waste, and I say a few choice things that women like to know men aren't needy. " So I talk after i check my ringtone and say "Dude , no more of your blind dates Im good, I like relaxing at home on a Saturday nite, Get my laundry done, watch the cooking show, Iron my dress shirts for the week, yer a time waster!" and hang up.
So I notice little miss tart doesn't have her shopping done so I go to the magazine section and plan on spending 20 minutes(since I am my own boss and do as I please,you know, living the dream) I brouse through my punk ass apprentices choi...ces which are pretty cool and catch up with the new skate stuff. That way when she's talking chinese about her frontside gnarler wtf ever I'll know what the hell she's talking about ..maybe.. . . and I see the tart get in line. . time to make my move.
I act like Im in a hurry having gotten carried away with the skatemag and ask the tart if she would be so kind as to let me go ahead of her because Ive only got a loaf and detergent. She says for me to get in line like everyone else. Perfec...t. She's gonna make me look at her now and yep she's in better shape than that punk ass tart I took To Bob's a month ago. Hmm, Her legs are quite muscular and her calves look like they could crush walnuts! Feisty! But her voice and I really didnt make eye contact and get a good look at her. . .Hmmm....a red dress,
JB : I'm dying here!
KG :kinda big around the waste. . she's breaking out the wallet and her hands are huge!! And she has hairy man arms, profile face and neck and holy mother of all things hairy, an adams apple or she's choking and dead and just hasn't fallen down yet.... Omg So the creature turns and winks at me and the bright red lipstick is so thick I can see it on its teeth as it hands me a piece of paper with a phone numbver and says "call me you fine thing and I'll come over on Saturday and help you out around the house, and I love to cook!" Gasping choking on my own tongue, stifled, and now gaining composure, I said "I was begininning to think you were playing hard to get"! OMG WTF
JB : Doh!, you piece of work!. That story was developing so well I was sporting some wood. Now I'm going to be sick. I'm gonna come on over there and spank your tight little ass!.
KG : Just Happend. This was a frightful lesson in observation! Always get a good close look at what your in the market for. some of those hot looking women are Dudes and some of those ones you may think are dudes are hot tarts in baggy dude clot...hes. I suggest photos first of women just to prove they ar, in say some attractive lingere just to make sure there aren't extra or missing parts! You gotta make sure its a she. I will only insist on pix of all the women that keep calling me. See through bras are good, don't want to snuggle up to a hairy chest! Yikes!Proove it or move it.... NEXT!